when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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