69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
