forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
