Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
