i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
