I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
tell me about the fingering
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