i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize