we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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