You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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