Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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