marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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