I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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