You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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