You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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