I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize