Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
