I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
