I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
