So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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