Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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