What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
