Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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