I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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