as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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