That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
