Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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