It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
