this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
