its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
