Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize