oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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