I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
