happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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