well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
high people should be assigned attendants
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize