dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
