There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
