I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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