We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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