my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
