mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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