I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
