ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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