"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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