He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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