after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
