I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize