I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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