Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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