The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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