Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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