I puked a lego.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
