I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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