I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
