in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
