She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
