I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I FOUND THE LEGS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
