Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.