So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.