I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.