the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"