If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor