I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
