Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
