Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
