you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
