Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
