the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
