he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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