I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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