Im at strip club and am horny
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
