they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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