first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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