You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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