What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
