if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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