Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ok first of all what the fuck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
