my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
