I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
