I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
