He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize